Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
