So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
