3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
