you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Terrible idea I love it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
