He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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