The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
