So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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