do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
