And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have feelings that need drinking.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
