Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
