**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
