That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
In America we eat man semen.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
