Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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