Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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