11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
