so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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