Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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