how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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