It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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