thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
