Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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