god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
