Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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