I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i barfeds in our rink
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
