Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
