You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
