Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
