Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
