party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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