I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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