I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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