That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
