what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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