When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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