We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
