Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
