Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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