you mean i was at the winter classic?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
