i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
