and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
