the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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