how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
