Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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