I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
