How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
