That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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