I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
