mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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