brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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