Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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