I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
