I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
