Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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