My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
