do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
