did you get engaged???
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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