i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
