I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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