I've blown a few things in my day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
