She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think my mom watched the whole time
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
