Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
