if you like me you must not know who I am
My friends, they love my intelligence
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
