I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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