I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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