soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
