kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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