party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
