Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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