So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
