Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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