rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
