No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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