I accidentally had phone sex last night
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
