I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
