I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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